I know I’ve been a little quiet since the 30 day challenge in April, and there is a reason why. I was having trouble feeling positive about the military. I was angry, frustrated, hurt, and lost. I was trying to figure out a way to be both there for my husband while our entire life felt turned upside down, without making it about my frustrations. Because really it had very little to do with me, other than the fact that I am married to the person it was happening to. Today I am ready to share our story. Today, I am ready to find the positive.

 

A few months ago just like a bunch of other families our age we were anxiously awaiting the results of the Majors promotion board. We spent time talking about what directions his career would take depending on the outcome of the board. My husband has every intention of the military being his first career, and at ten years in, looks forward to the next ten plus years. He has spent his career excelling in every position he has held. He had deployed three times, twice volunteering. He attended every training and class suggested. But despite all his good, there is one problem. Back when he was a young Lt. he made a mistake. A mistake that nearly cost him his career. And because of his mistake he has spent the last seven and half years giving one hundred and fifty percent to prove he didn’t let his mistake define him as an individual. He gave his everything to make it to Captain, and once he pinned on, he continued to do everything to prove his worthiness to make it to Major as well. 

 

Then the day came, the day where we thought he would finally be able to put his mistake behind him and be recognized for his unwavering commitment to the military. The day he could finally put it all in the past and use it as a teaching tool in the future. The day the list of names came out that had all the Captains that were being promoted to Major. The day we had both feared and were excitedly awaiting. 

 

I was waiting at home, ready to celebrate his accomplishments. But his name wasn’t on that list he had worked so hard to be apart of. My husband had been passed over. The sting of not being wanted and the feeling of not being good enough was intense. I was in disbelief and didn’t know what to say. All I could do was be there for my husband while his world came crashing down around him. 

 

I had feelings of frustration and anger. How could they not see everything he has accomplished? How could they not see that he has overcome his mistake, when a lesser person would have just given up, and would have left the military seven and half years ago? I just couldn’t understand. A weaker person would have taken this kind of disappointment and fallen to pieces, they would have given up. My husband wasn’t that. Instead of letting this setback define him, he turned to me and asked me to sit down with him and map out what comes next. 

 

Now we’ve always been pretty open with the “what ifs” in life, and have always communicated open and honestly about what direction our lives are headed and we’ve always believed our emphasis on communication is one of the biggest contributors to our successful marriage. 

 

Talking this time was different, we were no longer talking about what ifs, we were now talking about what comes next. And a lot of hard questions had to be asked. My husband’s desire to continue to serve hasn’t changed, and my ability to support him hasn’t changed either. His military career path didn’t end, it just changed direction. And could very well change direction again. Heck, the military could throw another curve ball and promote him on the second look. So for now I am just going to look forward to the fact that our family has the opportunity to grow closer while we figure out which way to go.