There has be a lot of controversy lately about military spouse bashing where large groups of individuals are bullying military dependents.

Lets start with the basics: A military dependent as defined by the military can be one of three things. A dependent is either a child of the military member, a parent(s) who “depends” on the military member for support; or the spouse of the military member. Nowhere in the definition of military dependent does it say that a dependent is: lazy, uneducated or a soul sucking individual, and yet there are groups out there that paint this definition as what a military dependent is. These “fun” pages are causing real hurt.

Don’t get me wrong, as a military spouse and dependent I have meet my fair share of young bright eyed spouses, and even some older spouses, who have had a slightly warped view on what being a military spouse really means. That doesn’t make it okay for anyone to bully those spouses.

There are those spouses out there that believe their husbands rank is something they can wear on their shoulder and they deserve the same respect and rights as their spouse. Now I don’t believe that my husband’s rank or achievements are something that I have earned, and I certainly do not boast my husband’s rank. However, I do believe that I deserve the same respect that he does. I am still a person. I expect others to treat me how they would like me to treat them in return. I will never have the rights that my husband has, quite frankly I don’t want them, because with his “rights” comes an overwhelming amount of responsibility. I am proud of my husband and his accomplishments, I would like to think my support has helped him get to where he is, that is what being a spouse means. I should be able to express my pride in him without fearing negative repercussions from the nameless person hiding in a large forum.

There are those spouses that believe “catching” themselves a military person is their ticket to a better life. I think sometimes people have a fairytale idea of what being married to someone in the military means, unfortunately those people don’t always know the “whole” picture when entering the world of military spouse. When it comes down to it, people get married for all sorts of reasons, and the only people that are directly affected are the couple. If two people choose to get married, they should be supported not attacked.

However being a military spouse does not automatically mean you fit into one of those categories.  Majority of military spouses are loving and caring individuals that are doing their part in keeping their family running smoothly while their spouse is constantly being called away.

Groups of individuals or even individuals themselves are attacking these spouses and any other military spouse because they don’t agree with something the military spouse has said or done. These groups/individuals are clearly bullying the military dependents they are targeting, and whats worse, they are targeting from the safety of their own computers with the aninimtiy the internet provides. In my opinion a faceless, nameless bully is much worse than the one you can confront.

Some people say calling these groups/individuals bullies is too harsh but if you read the National Bullying Preventions Center’s Definition of Bullying you would find that Bulling is:

• The behavior hurts, humiliates, or harms another person physically or emotionally.

• Those targeted by the behavior have difficulty stopping the action directed at them, and struggle to defend themselves.

• There is also a real or perceived “imbalance of power,”…either physically, socially, or emotionally, such as a higher social status, or is physically larger or emotionally intimidating.

I often wonder would the individuals hidden within the bigger groups be so harsh if their names were on the line? I ask this because some of these groups have no problem smearing the names of those they are targeting.

These large groups are saying its just for fun, and that they are simply providing a different point of view. Some groups even believe they are educating the blissfully unaware on the fact that being a military spouse isn’t an identity. I can believe that these groups may have started out with the plan of just being “for fun” and educational but have transformed into being hurtful and harmful. I will never understand the idea that it is the job of a faceless mob of attackers to educate future military dependents. With the nation standing up bullies how has this kind of bullying and shaming become acceptable? I will never understand why anyone thinks its okay to talk about another individuals in such an harmful matter. Shouldn’t we be supporting the military families and one another rather than causing undo hurt?

Being a military spouse no longer means afternoon teas with white gloves, pearls and a jackie-o inspired wardrobe. It has never meant a life of luxuries and riches. Being a military spouse means, taking on the responsibility of supporting and loving your spouse, embracing the unknown, and being prepared for the unthinkable. If being a military spouse is part of your identity it means that you are resilient. It means you have chosen to be part of something bigger than you. You certainly do not deserve to be treated with the amount of disrespect that these bullying groups are projecting.

For other opinions on Military Spouse Bullying please check out these two articles:

Dear Sally, Military Spouse Ridicule is Making Me a Hermit! & ‘Dependa’ bashing: Mudslingers stun military spouses