Recently my husband’s group was participating in an exercise that called for working different hours for about a week and a half. Instead of a normal work day, he left around our daughters nap time and came home in the middle of the night. The first day of the exercise I was upstairs playing with our daughter, the normal tickle and chase that she loves to play before nap time. As we were playing and laughing my husband was getting ready to head to work. 

I was suddenly overwhelmed with feelings from our past. Feelings of trying to hold myself together while my husband carefully put on his uniform to leave for his most recent deployment. As I watched him lean down and give our daughter a quick kiss as he walked by, it melted and broke my heart at the same time. Our daughter had no idea daddy wouldn’t be home to tuck her in that night, which is normal since she is only one, but not having daddy there would still have an impact. 

I knew he wasn’t thrilled about missing bedtime, but we both know there will be countless times he won’t be there to tuck our daughter in at night. We also both know there will be days he wont get to lean down and give her that quick kiss as she goes flying by. It was in that moment that I realized just how much my husband will miss. 

I wonder how we will handle all the ups and downs of the next deployment, now that we are a family of three. How will our daughter handle the time apart? How will I handle the new challenges of being our daughters temporary sole care taker? I realize dwelling on these questions is pointless, but that doesn’t stop the questions from coming to mind. I guess I just have to keep telling myself, we will figure it out. 

I am proud of my husband. I am proud of what he does, his achievements, and his bravery. Mostly I am proud of the man he is, he is an amazing husband and father. But all that pride doesn’t make the reality of all he will miss out on any easier to bare. 

What questions and concerns eat away at you on a regular basis? How do you handle all of the realities of having children and being part of a military family?